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Here’s the truth that even people who are prone to repeating stupid cultural clichés know in their hearts: At one level, yes, people are controlled by the deeply stupid messages they carry around about who they are, based on who the culture has told them that they are.
They see a tall, good-looking, successful woman and they say, “SCARY because me man and man scared of great woman!
The fact that everyone you know is telling you the same goddamn thing says more about this tendency than it does about the way the world works.
These people are the ones who are afraid to give an original answer, like, say, “You’re really fucking bossy sometimes,” or “You come straight out of the gate acting like a guy owes you something.” They’re seeing something about you that’s probably off-putting at the outset, but since they don’t want to get into the specifics of that with you, they just use the closest proximal one-size-fits-all dipshitty cultural cliché and package their real feelings inside of that, leaving them and you blameless.
They know when someone is suspicious or annoyed or sure that nothing will ever work out.Having empathy for a man you assume is shivering in your presence is not the answer.You’re still sure that he’s afraid of you, the poor fuck. You think, “Fuck, it’s happening again.” He thinks, “She seems pretty great, but why is she already pissed at me? You’re so sure that everything amazing about you turns men off. So it’s not just This Dude, it’s The President, it’s Men Today or Men Always. It’s all men.” My go-to Anxiety Time move is to make the personal Political, the micro Macro.
It’s pretty fucking hard to be happy when your culture informs you at every turn that your happiness is an impossibility. “You want to fuck everything you see.” Um, newsflash: Some small part of all animal brains wants to fuck everything it sees and eat everything it sees and sleep half the day.